Soooooo…. umm, can someone riddle me this: why all the rapey songs?
I’ve made clear my disdain for a lot of songs, and in airing and sharing my opinions, several more scorn-worthy candidates have been brought to my attention . My particular contention today is with rapey ones. Before you ask, yes, rapey is a legitimate adjective. Is it quite simply the only one that can be used to describe the face I will insist on making in every photo! Regarde:
But I digress; this post is about rapey songs, not Rapey-Face (a genuine clinical disorder).
The first on my hit list is Robin Thicke and his cronies, banging (no pun intended) on about those pesky and confusing ‘Blurred Lines’:
I hate these blurred lines
I know you want it
But you’re a good girl
The way you grab me
Must wanna get nasty
Gents, a word of advice: even when set to a jaunty, catchy tune, ‘I know you want it’ does not equal consent. What’s more, please don’t take Miley’s ‘twerk heard around the world’ (which is not twerking, but rather awkward jerky wiggling against Robin Thicke’s winky) as a reflection of how most ladies feel about this song. Sidebar: my hope for Miley is that she puts the sledge hammer down, quits abusing teddy bears and wrecking balls alike and just has some good old fashioned (consensual) sex- I really think that would just calm her down.
Next up is a song off Miguel’s album. It is entitled ‘How many drinks’ and the premise is simple. Miguel wants to know, leddies, how drunk do you actually have to be before you go home with him? Or – presumably – don’t fight back when he piles you (incapacitated) into the back of his van.
While we’re on the subject, ‘Blame it on the Alcohol’ by Jamie Foxx is a moral mess of a song. Monsieur le Renardd is also going for the ‘she wants it’ angle
Ay she say she usually don’t
But I know that she front
Cause shawty know what she want
But she don’t wanna seem like she easy
So, in order to throw off any concerns she might have about damages to her reputation, he goes on to suggest that she can simply blame any bad decisions she might make on all the tequila he is plying her with. In a lovely extra flourish of chivalry, he adds that he probably wouldn’t have approached her if he too weren’t sozzled:
Fill another cup up, Feeling on yo butt, what?
You don’t even care now, I was unaware how fine you were before my buzz set in….
As classy a sentiment as that is, we must push on because Usher and Young Jeezy are busy making alarmingly forceful demands to make ‘Love in this Club’ (before you change your mind in the taxi to the hotel?)
Looking in your eyes,
While you’re on the other side,
(I can’t take it no more baby I’m coming for you)
You’re doing it on purpose, wind it and work it.
If we close our eyes it could just be me and you
Might as well give me a kiss, if we keep touching like this
I know you’re scared, baby, they don’t know what we’re doing.
Let’s both get undressed right here, keep it up girl, and, I swear.
I’m gonna give it to you non-stop.
And I don’t care, who’s watching.
What I particularly like about this one is the implication that it’s her fault. Chaps, if a girl is having a dance and happens to make eye contact, how about you introduce yourself, perhaps make conversation, maybe buy her a drink. Under no circumstances open with the suggestion that you both get naked in Oceana.
And finally, because the holidays are on the way, I’d like to draw your attention to a festive classic, ‘Baby it’s cold outside’.
She’s all.….. and ……He’s all
The neighbors might think – Baby, it’s bad out there
Say, what’s in this drink? – No cabs to be had out there
I simply must go – But, baby, it’s cold outside.
The answer is no – But, baby, it’s cold outside.
I really can’t stay – Get over that hold out
Yeah! Get over it, lady. Stop messing about – you know you want it… Ugh when is this rohypnol supposed to kick in? …MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
Meanwhile, the outwardly sweet and courteous Bruno Mars is a secret evil genius. Boys, if you want a girl to turn to putty in your pants, the only song you will ever need as a point of reference is ‘Just the way you are’. I have seen it in action – works every time. Knickers=melted. (You didn’t hear it from me)