Change your Life

I’ve been hearing about Iggy Azalea for some time but hadn’t checked her out until someone posted her latest track and I had two minutes. So, in case you too need to catch up, here she is in the aforementioned video, entitled ‘Change your Life’.  I think we can all agree that she’s pretty darn smokin’.

She’s the Gwen Stefani for the new millennium (with fewer Harajuku girls). BANGING.

But here is my beef (yawn – I know. But you knew it was coming). The premise of this song is that she is a woman of means and as such, she is in a position to change your (or whoevertheluckyfuck the song is directed at’s) life.

She proudly claims:

I’m a new classic, upgrade your status
From a standby to a frequent flyer
Pop out your past life, and I’ll renovate your future
Then I integrate my genius shit we purchasin’ not perusing,

But what seems to be the case, at least from the video, is that she has accrued this fabled fortune by trickin’ and strippin’. In Cheetah’s = classy. I just struggle to accept that given the choice,  this supposedly powerful person would CHOOSE to be standing outside the strip club (in which she supposedly works?) with her arse hanging out of a patent leather rara skirt; it doesn’t seem terribly consistent with the ‘independent woman’ message. The cheap-looking underwear in the fluffy boudoir isn’t really on-brand.

The lyrics, which we must assume she wrote, are very much along the lines of any hip hop verse by a bad boy rap star and I am ALL ABOUT this gender switcheroo! Why shouldn’t she be the one stackin’ the Ps and providing the stamped passports where they all pass ports ’til the clocks fast forward and ensuring that they’ve got blue shores where they don’t do chores, we just get chauffeured. Damn, this is the life. Exclusive shit with all access granted.

Yeah! Werk! You girl grrrl (snap snap mmmhmmm etc.)

But here’s the thing. Those big-pimpin’ bad boys of whom her lyrical content is reminiscent are usually bustin’ THEIR rhymes while sipping on carefully positioned bottles of their own brand of liquor, surrounded by scantily clad women to show how…..well…. pimpin’ they are. They OWN the strip clubs. They don’t dance on the tables.

What’s more, the featured artist on this track is T.I (ugh) and in his verse he just bangs on about how he too can change your life… So,  y’know, listen up ladies, ‘cuz:

If you could listen more than you speak
I get you everything that you need
I’m talking ’bout red bottoms LV
Even extensions plugs in your weave

(Who knew you could get free Louboutins and fake hair if you just shut the hell up?! Thanks for the advice, T.I, you’re a pal.)

For me,  the role reversal just doesn’t go far enough. Here is what I want: Iggy in a massive chair, smoking a cigar, being waited on by gorgeous, scantily clad, vapid men, spittin’ bars about being a powerful woman, in a powerful position. And the featured artist is all: ‘Yeah,  she’s pretty fuckin cool, she bought me a Benz.’ Now THAT’s the music video i want to see.

She HAS got a pet tiger though, so I still want to be her best friend.

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