Here is a true statement: I do not care for cats.
They’re aloof, sulky and attention seeking. They turn up for food, laze about a bit on your favourite part of the sofa, looking at you with venomous condescension if you try to engage them and then slink off to carouse and fight with other cats, casually strolling in with scant regard for the hour. Essentially, cats are teenagers, and no one likes teenagers.
Cat owners, here is a fact: your favoured furry feline friends are using you! You are in fact just the loyal, adoring subjects of these tabby tyrants.
Eddie explains it much better than me:
Also, the buggers make me sneeze!
Now, whilst on an adventure in Dublin, Bboy Foggy of Trinity Warriors, who is more observant than his name would suggest, spotted this rather brilliant poster:
And I thought, ‘yes, exactly! That is how cats feel about all humans’. Here is a little poem from the point of view of stroppy ol’ Sour Puss:
Hello my name is Sour Puss
The cat who has a grumpy mush
They say I look a little stoosh
But I don’t beat around the bush.
I’m blunt and I will say to you
Just what I think about your crew,
I like to say I tell it true
Suffice to say: ‘No one likes you’
But the more we looked at it, the more I wondered if the accusation was actually aimed AT this fellow, something along the lines of:
A feline with issues
A history of misuse
No one cares, It’s not fair
No one’s gonna kiss you
You left a stinky kitty poo,
On the carpet, Quelle taboo!
They sigh and shrug, at your grouchy mug.
oh, Sour puss, no one likes you!
Although I can give photographic credits to Foggy, I don’t know who is responsible for the work of art itself, so maybe we will never know if it means:
Sour Puss says, ‘No one likes you’
Sour Puss, no one likes you!
You can decide! Let me know….